We open on Tywin Lannister pulling Robb’s (The Stark’s Great/Ice) sword from the pelt of his loved dire wolf. He hands it to the black smith who then melts it down to form 2 new swords, then throws the pelt in the fire, looking content.

After the opening credits roll, Tywin presents the sword to his son Jaime Lannister. Tywin tells Jaime he’s not able to be part of the King’s Guard any longer, having only one hand. He tells him that he’ll go to Casterly Rock, to rule in his stead. Jaime refuses, Tywin angrily tells Jaime to go be a bodyguard, if that’s his only ambition.

Tyrion is sent to meet the Prince of Dawn. Several house emissaries arrive, but the Prince is not among them. They tell Tyrion that the Prince is ill, his brother Prince Oberyn is there in his stead to attend Joffrey’s wedding, though Oberyn arrived earlier. After sending the entourage off to the castle, Tyrion goes in search of Oberyn, in the hopes of finding him before he can do any damage, rightly believing him to be at the brothel.

Oberyn and his consort pick a whore and the attendant, against his will to dally with. Telling him that anything of Little Finger’s is on the menu. Before they get down to business Oberyn hears singing, he follows the man’s voice to a room with 2 Lannister men, itching for a fight. Oberyn taunts then, then before one of the Lannister men has time to reach his sword, Oberyn plunges his own into his hand. Tyrion enters as the man screams, and asks to speak to Oberyn in private. He asks why Oberyn came, he tells Tyrion that he comes for revenge for the rape and murder of his Sister Elia Mertell Targaryen and her children at the hand of the Lannisters when they took the city.

Daenerys sits on a rock watching her dragons play and hunt. One snaps at her and she is startled by it. Her Advisor (Jorah Mormont) warns her that the dragons could never be tamed, not even by their mother. Together they go before her army, she is offended to find Daario Naharis, and Gray worm missing, having gone off to gamble. She goes off to find them. She tells them that they will ride in back, protecting the livestock as punishment for keeping her waiting.

Sansa’s attendants try to get her to eat, but she refuses. Tyrion comes and asks them to leave so he can have a moment alone with her. He tells her that he can’t let her starve, he was sworn to protect her. Tyrion tries to find a way to help her, offering to get her nightshade to help her sleep. She is haunted by the thoughts of seeing her family executed. She asks to be excused to the chapel, telling him that she no longer prays, it’s the only place where no one talks to her.

Tyrion goes to his chamber to find Shae on his bed, she tries to seduce him, but he tells her its not safe for her to be there. His life is already tense with jeopardy. She is angry that he refuses her. Shae tells him that he just has to ask if he wants her to leave, he didn’t have to give her diamonds and try to ship her away. He replies that he doesn’t know what she is talking about. She then asks, “You want me to stay?” Tyrion looks at her stubbornly, but doesn’t reply. She then storms out.  As she rushes down the hall, Cersei’s hand maiden is hidden behind a post, having listened to it all.

Jaime is fitted with a golden hand in Cersei’s chamber by Qyburn. They together lament over their various woes. Jaime tries to seduce Cersei, she snubs him, angry that he left her. Her hand maiden interrupts the fight with important news.

Tormund accuses Ygritte of letting Jon Snow go. They hear a whistle and go to investigate.  Tormund says, “Thenn, I f*ing hate Thenn.” as they approach. Thenn taunts Tormund and Ygritte while his men take over their camp and fire. They take the meat from their spit, replacing it with a human arm. Thenn says, “I know we’ve had our differences Tormund, but just one time before you die, you really ought to try crow.”

We jump to the Night’s Watch, Jon Snow worries about going in front of the leaders to defend himself. The eldest defends him against the rest, who believe he should die for breaking his vows. Snow warns them that an army of one hundred thousand wildlings is coming to attack. At first they are in disbelief, but concede, telling him that they wont be taking his head today then.

Margaery Tyrell  talks with her grand mother about her forthcoming wedding. Brienne approaches, impressing them both. She asks to talk with Margaery alone. Brienne tells her of her dream, in which a shadow with the face of Stannis Baratheon plunges his sword through Renly’s heart, then disappears. She swears that one day she will avenge their king. Margaery tells Brienne that Joffrey is their king now.

Jaime plans the guards for Joffrey’s wedding as Joffrey watches on bored.  Joffreysays that he is loved, no one would cause him trouble (bwahahaha). He thumbs through the Book of Brothers, mocking the lacking entry for Jaime Lannister, and Jaime himself for lacking a hand.

Daario Naharis presents Daenerys with a bouquet, which does seem to turn her head. Her army marches forward towards Meereen, finding the body of a child strung to a post every mile as they march closer. She orders that her men remove the child’s collar before they bury her.

Brienne reminds Jaime that he must keep his vow to keep Sansa safe. 

Sansa walking alone realizes that she is being followed, she tries to flee, but is stopped by Ser Dantos (the man who she saved from execution at the King’s Name Day celebration). He gives her the necklace of his Mother in appreciation for what she did. She says she will wear it with pride.

The Hound rides with Arya Stark to the Vale. They come to an inn, where Arya sees the man (Poliver) who stole her sword ‘Needle’and killed her friend lemmy. She storms toward the inn intending to fight to get it back. The hound tries to stop her before they are seen, but it’s too late, so instead they go inside. They take a seat at a table and watch as the men abuse the Innkeeper and his Daughter. Poliver recognizes The Hound, and sits with them to start a conversation, not recognizing Arya. He tells The Hound that they should come with them to King’s Landing. The hound replies, “F*#k the King.” Then demands one of their chickens. Poliver says he will trade one of their chickens for Arya. The Hound takes his drink and says that he’ll take 2 chickens, threatening the man if he talks more. The Hound then takes up swords with all of the men, and of course brutally takes almost all of them out. Arya looks on in awe, then kills two men as well. She gets Needle back, they eat chicken, then ride on. Fade to black.

Ahh, the much awaited season premiere I had expected to be more eventful. Though I’m not sure why, with the quiet end to last season. I still am not sure why they didn’t close it out at The Red Wedding.  I half expected the season to start with Joffrey’s wedding, but I suppose some ground work has to be lain first. Still, I can’t wait to see what horrific shenanigans happen in the weeks to come!