The Authority (Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Kane, Seth Rollins and Randy Orton) opens up this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw. Triple H pimps the WWE Network (and keeps promoting how the WWE Network costs only $9.99, and keeps doing it while promoting WWE Summerslam – almost heel like). He promotes the Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt match and then promotes the Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose match. Speaking of which, there will be a Beat the Clock Challenge match tonight where Rollins will face Rob Van Dam and Ambrose will face Alberto Del Rio and the winner gets to name the stipulation.
Stephanie McMahon then says that tonight there will be a contract signing tonight between her and Brie Bella, and Triple H pimps the WWE Network again (the fans are not chanting $9.99 with Triple H). Triple H then promotes the Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena match. Then Randy Orton guarantees that he will beat Roman Reigns at Summerslam. Roman Reigns interrupts and said he will take out Orton tonight for free but Triple H books Kane vs. Roman Reigns for tonight in a Last Man Standing match. That match starts right now.
Last Man Standing
Kane vs. Roman Reigns was very similar to the house show match I saw between Randy Orton and Roman Reigns, except Last Man Standing instead of a No Holds Barred match. This match was a nice long one, although quite boring at spots. There was even one spot that was almost exactly the same where Reigns worked hard to bring in a table only to have his opponent put him through the table. The end was screwy as the referee stopped counting Kane down at one point, when he should have kept counting until Kane was up. Then when Reigns hit the spear, he won the match because Kane couldn’t get back up.
By the way, there are a lot of pre-recorded interview clips from John Cena and Brock Lesnar strung throughout the show so far. This is nice, but it makes it obvious that neither man will appear on tonight’s WWE Monday Night Raw. By the way, these announcers (and Triple H at the start of the show) are making me want to cancel my WWE Network subscription. Ugh.
Damien Sandow is out next to the Boomer Sooner theme and he is wearing Oklahoma Sooners clothing. Of course, at the Oklahoma City house show, he wore Texas Longhorns attire. He then tells the Austin fans the truth about the Sooners dominating the Red River Rivalry. His opponent tonight is “The World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry (he is from Austin). Henry won with a squash while the announcers continued to make fun of my school. Nice.
Backstage is the mirror from Oculus (hits this week on DVD from WWE Studios, buy it using the link to the right) and they promote it by having Adam Rose look into it as his Rose Buds cower in fear. Rose sees himself wearing a suit and tells his Rose Buds that the guy in the mirror is a lemon.
Beat the Clock, Part 1
Dean Ambrose is out for his Beat the Clock match first and he still has some of the best entrance music in the WWE. He will face Alberto Del Rio in his match. The match lasted 15:42, which is a lot longer than most Beat the Clock matches. Del Rio was solidly in charge for much of the match, but Ambrose finally hit the Dirty Deeds (although he had to switch to his right arm to do it, instead of his natural left arm) for the win.
Rusev is out next with Lana. What the hell. The entire match with Sin Cara took place during the commercial break. Rusev beat Sin Cara DURING THE BREAK and only people using the WWE app could watch it. That is why this got NO STARS above. Lana insulting President Obama in Texas seems to be a waste of time. Lana started singing Happy Birthday to President Obama in Russian and that brought out Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. Colter said that he is tired of listening to Lana’s voice and that explains why Russian men drink so much vodka. Colter cut a great promo. Lana went to slap him again, but when Stagger stepped in the middle, Rusev attacked Swagger and beat him down with his flag pole. Lana stopped Rusev from attacking Colter but then mocked him with a “We the People” salute.
Back from commercial and Cesaro and Dolph Ziggler are already in the ring for their match. The Miz is at ringside to help out with commentary. Ziggler won a short match with the Zig Zag, and the win was not surprising since Ziggler is being pushed right now, but the short match does not bode well for Cesaro. The Miz came in and held up his title in front of Ziggler and hit the deck with Ziggler went for a superkick.
Backstage, Paige is talking about how AJ Lee is still her best friend and hopes she recovers well after knocking her off the stage next week.
Goldust and Stardust make their big return
Rybaxel is already in the ring. They are waiting for Goldust and Stardust. I saw these teams fight at the Oklahoma City house show. Sadly, they had a regular entrance instead of the awesome Cody Rhodes looking for his way to the ring from the house show. The Rhodes brothers win the match easily with Stardust pinning Curtis Axel with the Dark Matter finishing move.
Backstage, Stephanie McMahon and Triple H are talking and Kane walks up to them, takes off his mask and hands it to Stephanie, and then walks off and leaves.
Chris Jericho is out next for a match with Luke Harper. Last week on WWE Smackdown, Jericho beat Erick Rowan with the stipulation that Rowan can’t be at ringside for the Summerslam match with Bray Wyatt. This match with Harper has the same stipulation. Jericho had Harper in the Walls of Jericho and the lights went out. They came back on and Bray Wyatt was in the walkway. Jericho fights off both Harper and Rowan and then Bray Wyatt attacks him. Jericho wins by disqualification so he has to fight Jericho without the Wyatt Family by his side but then Wyatt hits Sister Abigail’s Kiss on Jericho to end the segment.
Summer Rae and Layla head to the ring with El Torito and Diego. Fandango comes to the ring with his new dance partner – a BALD HORNSWOGGLE. What?!?!? Fandango seems to be enjoying this. There is miscommunication between Fandango and Hornswoggle and Diego wins again. The girls convince Hornswoggle to switch sides after the match, which causes Fandango to attack him. Diego makes the save and El Torito hits a flying move onto Fandango after the match.
Randy Orton is interviewed backstage about Roman Reigns.
Bo Dallas is out next. He is fighting R-Truth. This is their third televised match in a row. Last week on WWE Monday Night Raw, R-Truth pinned Bo Dallas and then on Smackdown, Dallas got himself disqualified. Bo Dallas wrapped up R-Truth for the win while holding the tights. Dallas went on his victory run and R-Truth attacked him. Dallas hit the Bo-Dog onto R-Truth on the floor. Bo Dallas did his victory run after this.
Bray Wyatt promo time. Bray said his men won’t be with him at Summerslam, but he is never alone. He’s got the whole world in his hands.
Beat the Clock, Part 1
It’s time for Seth Rollins vs. Rob Van Dam in the second Beat the Clock match. Rollins has to win the match in less than 15:42 in order to get to name the stipulation of the Summerslam match. The Authority made a change just as the match was about to start and eliminated Rob Van Dam from the match, replacing him with Heath Slater. This is (a) showing favoritism to Rollins and (b) insulting to Heath Slater. He offers Slater the chance to walk away but Slater attacks first. Dan Ambrose then shows up at ringside. Ambrose messes with Rollins constantly, messing with the briefcase and even taking out the contract and ripping it into pieces. He then gets a soda from a fan and pours it into the briefcase. He gets some popcorn, eats it and then pours that into the briefcase. He then steals JBL’s hat and puts it in the briefcase. Heath Slater then pins Seth Rollins in just about five minutes for the huge upset!
For the second week in a row, the main event promo is between Stephanie McMahon and Brie Bella, this week for a contract signing. Triple H came out with Stephanie McMahon and Brie Bella came out with Nikki Bella. Triple H pushes the WWE Network again. Triple H said that since it is his wife, he would leave and let Michael Cole officiate the contract signing. Brie said this match is for Vickie Guerrero, The Big Show, the Rhodes family and everyone else that McMahon hurt and this is about karma. After the contract signing, Stephanie cheap shotted Nikki Bella and then as Triple H held Brie Bella back, Stephanie hit Nikki with the Pedigree. Brie then dekced Triple H but Stephanie got the better on Brie with another Pedigree and then planted a huge kiss on Triple H.
WWE Monday Night Raw Results
- Roman Reigns def. Kane (Last Man Standing Match) (** ½)
- Mark Henry def. Damien Sandow (*)
- Dean Ambrose def. Alberto Del Rio (Beat the Clock Match) (***)
- Rusev def. Sin Cara (DUD)
- Dolph Ziggler def. Cesaro (* ½)
- Stardust and Goldust def. Rybaxel (**)
- Chris Jericho def. Luke Harper by DQ (** ½)
- Diego def. Fandango (1/2 *)
- Bo Dallas def. R-Truth (**)
- Heath Slater def. Seth Rollins (***)
* rankings are based on entertainment value, not wrestling value
What did you think of this week’s episode of WWE Monday Night Raw? Lets talk about it in the comment section below.
