WWE Monday Night Raw Recap: 12.23.13

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WWE Monday Night Raw tonight was a pre-taped show that included a great main event and a bunch of Christmas themed matches and promos. Here is a look at this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw recap.

The Breakdown

The show opens with Mark Henry and Damien Sandow as they tell the WWE version of “The Night Before Christmas.” See, Sandow is Bad Santa and he will face Henry’s Good Santa tonight and if Sandow wins, they are cancelling Christmas for the entire world.

After that, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Kane come out to the ring with a lackey and tell everyone the matches for the night. Randy Orton comes out and thanks The Authority for giving him the night off and says his Christmas present to them is himself as world champion. Then Kane says Merry Christmas and sets off his pyro.

WWE Monday Night Raw

The first match was another giant Divas match with all the Total Divas reality stars against the WWE wrestling Divas. The good girls won when Natalya made Aksana tap out to the sharpshooter. There was one point where each of the Total Divas locked arms one by one while spinning in circles, using their bodies to knock opponents down. It was possibly the dumbest and most unrealistic thing I have ever seen. AJ Lee was doing commentary and agreed with me.

Sin Cara came out for his next match. Before it starts, he cuts a promo in English (Sin Cara has always needed a translator before). The new Sin Cara then beat Curtis Axel.

This week, advertisements spoiled the fact that the WWE re-signed Dave Batista to a new contract. Instead of just ignoring the spoilers and trying to let it be a surprise, the WWE just made the announcement that he will be back on the Jan. 20 edition of WWE Monday Night Raw. That is the week before the Royal Rumble, by the way.

The next match on WWE Monday Night Raw saw Daniel Bryan team up with the WWE tag team champions Cody Rhodes and Goldust to battle The Wyatt Family. The bad guys actually won this match when Bray Wyatt pinned Cody Rhodes after the Sister Abigail finishing move. After the match, they beat down the good guys and then Bray tries to recruit Bryan again.

WWE Monday Night Raw

Up next was a Christmas Carol Sing Off. R-Truth and Xavier Woods were pretty good. 3MB was next and they sucked. Santino and Great Khali were next and they sucked too, but the fans liked them sucking and cheered them on to victory. After the sing off, they beat up 3MB and then the four good guys all sang together.

In a POLE match for an Intercontinental title shot, Fandango beat Dolph Ziggler when he practically killed him by knocking him off the top turnbuckle and onto the floor. Fandango now gets the present of fighting Big E Langston on the first WWE Monday Night Raw of 2014.

WWE Monday Night Raw

The Prime Time Players came out next to battle The Usos. Before the match, Darren Young was going to cut a promo but accidentally called Austin “Houston” and that set the stage for the match. Fans chanted “We Are Austin” (instead of “we are awesome”) and then started chanting “Houston Sucks.” The Usos won the match and then the four wrestlers danced together after the match to Prime Time Player’s slogan.

Good Santa vs. Bad Santa was next and they got to use weapons that were hidden in the packages around the ring (including an actual toilet and a fire extinguisher). Mark Henry won, so we still get to celebrate Christmas this year. Whew. Wasn’t sure how I could explain to my son that the WWE ruined Christmas.

WWE Monday Night Raw

 

CM Punk is in the back and said he gets The Shield in a six man match and he gets to choose his partners. Those partners are Intercontinental champion Big E Langston and … John Cena?

Los Matadores beat The Real Americans in the next match. Ryback beat Kofi Kingston after that.

The Shield are now cutting a promo and said that CM Punk and John Cena teaming together makes no sense. Amen to that.

WWE Monday Night Raw

Next up is the main event – The Shield vs. CM Punk, Big E Langston and John Cena. The match was a great one, and surprisingly, it was Big E that they were making look like a star in the match. I have a HUGE complaint about the end though. Seth Rollins was going for the pin on Big E Langston, but John Cena hit him to make the save. Big E then went to pin Dean Ambrose and both Roman Reigns and Rollins made the save and the referee disqualified them. So, it’s ok for Cena to break up a pin but not The Shield?

After the match, The Shield set up the Triple Powerbomb on Big E Langston, but Cena and Punk made the save and then they raised Big E’s hands in victory to show that he is the man.

The Analysis

Before I give my thoughts, I just want to say how dumb it is that Mark Henry was Good Santa. See, Henry just hurts people – that is what he does. Now, he is the Good Santa Claus who loves all little kids. Give me a break.

Now, as for the show.

The singing contest was stupid. The Santa vs. Santa match was a fun garbage match, but the idea that Mark Henry is a Good Santa is still dumb. The Divas match SUCKED. Sin Cara was a nice little throwaway match and the Fandango vs. Ziggler match was fine, but the Usos vs. Prime Time Players, Real Americans vs. Los Matadores and Kofi vs. Ryback were not very good matches.

That leaves the two six man matches as the saving graces of the show, and while they were worth watching, this show overall was just kind of bland.

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About the Author

Shawn S. Lealos
Shawn is a film critic with over 25 years of experience in print and online media. He is a member of the Oklahoma Film Critics Circle and loves everything from critically acclaimed movies to B-level action flicks.
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