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Machete Kills Red Band Trailer: Simply The Best

The red band trailer for Robert Rodriguez’s Machete Kills is perfect. If you haven’t seen the first one, go watch it. I’ll wait. [Puts trailer on a loop for the next hour and forty-five minutes.] You’re back? Great! Let’s talk turkey. Bloody, massacred, carved to the point of unrecognizability, turkey.

Danny Trejo returns in the titular role as the world’s greatest, goriest assassin. Along with Trejo there is Michelle Rodriguez, Damian Bichir, Lady Gaga, Sofia Vergara, Cuba Gooding Jr., Amber Heard, Mel Gibson, and Charlie Sheen. MEL GIBSON AND CHARLIE SHEEN! This movie is going to be outright lunacy, it has more names attached to it than a DJ Khaled track, and I could not be more excited.

Rodriguez has spent years proving his grindhouse chops, and once again they are on full display. Even in the trailer you see breast mounted weapons, rocket launchers, stabbing, and disembowelment via helicopter.

There’s other stuff too. You know, narrative hints and stuff, but who cares?! This is going to be an action packed killfest, filled with amazing visuals and laughs by the metric ton. There’s not much more to say about this other than it looks like a boatload of fun, and I hope to catch it ASAP.

If my raving isn’t enough to convince you, just look at that cast list. You really think all of those people wouldn’t have shown up to set if that movie wasn’t a damn good time? How excited are you? Let me know! Maybe we can organize a viewing party!


is a writer, filmmaker, and general troublemaker living in Austin Texas. I spend most of my time watching movies and plotting pranks. Then sometimes I write things down. Also I love Karate. Once I thought I had 17.8 billion dollars, but then it turned out I didn't. I still don't. Get at me on twitter @fiat_lux_karate

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